... I Am A "Hater"

Can we be honest with each other for a minute?

Yes, I find joy in motivating others to be their best. Yes, I believe in the golden rule to treat others as you would want to be treated. Yes, I want the best for those I love and I even pray for my enemies too.

However, I am NOT IMMUNE to character flaws we sometimes encounter as we grow through life.

Have I ever compared my life to someone else’s? Have I ever wished I had what someone else had? Have I ever been a little “salty” that someone else received a blessing, reward, or promotion that I had been praying for? Have I ever not been happy for someone else because I wasn’t happy with my own life? Have I ever imagined myself driving that new car someone just bought or envisioned myself receiving a huge check from that new job someone just landed?

This blog post is not all about me. We are being honest, right? Truly stop and ask yourself if you have ever compared your life to someone else’s life. Has looking at someone else’s successes ever made you question if you will ever receive your own rewards? If so, then this a blog post just for you.

I am human. As humans, we think about others sometimes and we begin comparing their lives to our own lives. Now that we live in a social media world, comparing aspects of your everyday life is way easier. As a natural result we sometimes develop jealousy, envy, and disdain for others. Sometimes we may find ourselves in question of our own accomplishments, appearance, and other aspects of our lives. Now I know there will be people that won’t admit to ever experiencing those feelings and that’s completely fine. Personally, I remember being jealous over a classmate having Crayola crayons while I was stuck coloring with Rose Art crayons way back in my kindergarten days. I’m in a secure enough place in life to admit that I have had my times of insecurity before. Even if you won’t admit your times of comparison to me, at least be honest enough with yourself to understand that you are human and it is okay.

What do you think of when you hear the word “hater”? Do you think of the person that is always negative and constantly belittles other people? Do you think of the person that never has anything nice to say and is never happy for anyone else? In my opinion, I think there is more to the “hater” label. In fact, I don’t think a hater is necessarily a bad person. Personally, my heart is heavy for the people that are labeled haters. I don’t believe they are people that get joy out of talking negatively about other people. I actually believe that haters are people that want to be happy for other people but can’t do so because they are not happy with themselves. They may not be happy with their appearance, achievements, family circumstances, financial situations, and more. When they see another person that appears to have everything they have been dreaming of, they compare it to their own lives, and find themselves upset. There’s a twist, however. A hater may actually still congratulate others and seem outwardly happy, but inwardly still battle with insecurities that make them secretly bitter. Does this sound familiar at all? So let’s be honest. We have all had those feelings whether blatant or hidden. Have you never had a moment of insecurity or doubt? Let’s stop calling it “hating” and accept that the feelings are natural. After admitting that we are imperfect, let’s resolve the issue and understand why it is illogical to compare your point A to someone else’s point B:

1) You have a unique purpose: Not everyone is meant to be an athlete or model. Some people will become our doctors. Some people will become our scientists. Some people will become our teachers. The fact is, you too have a unique purpose. The road to get you to your purpose may be largely different from someone else’s road. College students don’t be weary if you can only work part time right now. You are building your foundation and school is your job. Recent graduates, don’t be alarmed if you can’t find a job right away. There will be an employer that will witness your greatness so don’t waste it on an employer that can’t even appreciate what you can offer. Even those of you who didn’t go to college, understand that college is not the only way to succeed. You still have a unique purpose to fulfill and a world that needs your impact just the same. If you understand that your purpose is for you then you won’t feel the need to envy someone else’s purpose.

2) Reality vs Portrayal: When you are scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and any other social media outlets you have to understand that other people are highlighting the best parts of their life. As much as their life may seem perfect, I live by the motto that everyone has a story to tell. Those same individuals that you envy may not be posting their reality or their true behind the scenes lifestyles. Someone may post a picture on vacation in Hawaii but didn’t post the pictures of them working 40 hours a week to get there. A couple may post a happy dinner date picture but fail to upload a video of the argument they had two days ago. A guy may post a picture of his nice gym body but what you didn’t witness was his relentless time in the gym to achieve that physique. What you witness on social media is only a portrayal of what people allow you to see. Unless you are with someone 24/7, you have no idea what their life is truly like. Therefore, it is irrational to compare your life to others especially via social media.

3) Your tests are part of a story: Have you ever thought about the fact that there is someone else in the world going through the same thing you’re currently going through? Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could encourage them through your own experience? Your tests are to position you for your destiny and to be a light to others. You won’t always have what everyone else has or do what everyone else does. Our struggles shape us. Life will teach us all different lessons. Find comfort in the fact that your story will one day be an example for someone else.

All in all, if you find yourself struggling with comparing yourself to others then take proactive steps to make a change. Identify things that you love about yourself to increase your confidence again. Spend less time on social media if you struggle with seeking validation from others. Evaluate yourself and reestablish your values. Understand that different people will have different life journeys and you are not exempt. It is okay if your road is a little longer or filled with more twists, turns, and stop lights. I’m just a blogger. What do I know? I just blog my opinions. However, if you like what you have read then keep reading, sharing, and subscribing. Until next time with #SimplyMEi…

• Signed your recovered hater.