What's Love Got to Do With It?

I’ll be the FIRST to tell you that I was completely hesitant about writing on the topic of sex in any way, shape, form, or fashion. When one of my subscribers submitted the question “how can you tell if you’re sprung over the sex vs being in love” I literally froze up for a second. I’m just a blogger trying to live a wholesome life with the goal to spread a message of positivity to the people of all ages. When that question was submitted, I questioned if my post would make some readers distrust my message of positivity. I thought:

Is this post going to tarnish my brand which serves to uplift and inspire? Will my response make me look like a promiscuous person if I write from either personal experience or from what I have witnessed my friends go through? Will it then open the door for people to judge me in a negative light? What if I get “too real” and elaborate with too much detail? Am I prepared for true backlash if this post is not well received?... Or should I just stay “safe” and speak to topics that are not so controversial or taboo?

Well clearly you can see how that internal debate ended. Those thoughts came and went so fast! So, why did I proceed further? Well…Why not?

The fact is, I’ve accepted that my blog posts won’t be accepted by everyone and that’s the beauty of it all. One of the purposes of my blog is to inspire healthy discussion on all kinds of topics – but in a REAL way. I’m not here to incorporate as many difficult vocabulary words as I can into one post. The SimplyMei blog is not about being overly weary of the “grammar police”. While I strive to keep both of those aspects in mind because they ARE important elements of writing, the content of my posts are more of my priority. Whether you agree with my message or not as a reader is your prerogative. Where do I find my content? If I can, at the very least, stimulate your mind and challenge you to really think about your everyday issues/topics then I have done my job. The SimplyMei blog is designed to enable you with enough courage to go back to your friends and family to acknowledge and discuss these real life issues. You shouldn’t feel the need to hide behind a positive persona or wall of fear because you are weary of being judged. As a subscriber you can simply be yourself and submit whatever topic you would like. “Don’t write a post on sex. You will lose subscribers,” they said.

SORRY!

Too late.

The truth of the matter is, just because we don’t talk about sex openly doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Your neighbor may have been through exactly what you are going through currently. She or he may know a little about being hooked on a person just because the sex was good. Be it sex or more pressing issues, how can we be honest in discussion if we are too scared to bring up topics together. With that being said, lets get into it...

Disclaimer: I think celibacy and abstinence is a beautiful thing. It is idea for one to save that kind of intimacy for the person they love and plan to spend the rest of their life with.

Second Disclaimer: ... But if you are going to “do it,” at least be smart, informed, and safe. Sex can result in a lot of unexpected consequences if you are not smart, informed, or safe such as STDs or unplanned pregnancies.

– but what about the consequence of staying hooked on a person because, well, they do it better than what you have ever experienced? No one discusses the magnitude of problems you can experience when instead of thinking with your brain, you think with… other body parts. Operating with the mindset of pure lust can cause you to confuse being sprung over the sex with being in true love.

How do you know if you’re whipped by “the P” or mesmerized by the “D”? I won’t say I know everything, but I know a little bit. The fact is that being “sprung” and being in love are two totally different concepts. One is deep and ever-lasting. The other is shallow and vain. One adds value to your life because you and your partner mutually care for each other’s betterment. One disrupts your day to day being because you become obsessed with finding ways to do everything to please the other person. When you are in love you will make sacrifices but not to the point of compromising your own standards. Quite frankly, sometimes good “D” or “P” (sex) will cause you to gloss over all of the bad things about a person or even justify those bad things, so that person can stay around. So just be aware:

1. Let’s Chill: Think back to your last date with this girl you’ve been talking to all of your boys about or this guy you have become obsessed with. If you have to think too hard about you guys truly ever spending time together, then BOOM, stop right there. Perhaps you can recall dates but these are only the dates that consist of “chilling” at the house on some “Netflix and chill after 10pm but leave before the morning comes” type of dates. Now, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with just hanging out and not doing anything extravagant. However, if your “partner” is only inviting you over during bootycall hours and is expressing no interest in getting to know you better as a person then it may be time to evaluate the love you think you are in.

2. Forgive without Reason…Constantly: No one is perfect. Even marriages suffer with issues from time to time. However, there is a stark difference between a mistake and a conscious decision to keep doing wrong. If Ray Ray has cheated on you ten times and lied about the same things over and over, then maybe it is the “D” that has got you hypnotized. If Kisha’s ex is still in her phone after you expressed how much that concerns you or has been caught making up cover-up stories multiple times, she may just have some good “P” that you can’t give up. The point is, sometimes good sex can cloud your judgment and reasoning. While some may make light of “being sprung”, it can really have you forgiving a person who isn’t even sorry.

3. Doing Ridiculous Things: Again, it is not ridiculous to do things to express how you feel about a person you truly love. It is absurd to do ridiculous things for a one-sided relationship. Oh, y’all don’t know what I am talking about?

You ever been in a situation where you were comfortable in bed about to fall asleep but you get that phone call around 12:00 am (or later) to come over? – Maybe it was you that even made the phone call

You ever had only a certain amount of money left but you put yourself in a bind and spent it on your “boo” anyway because you knew they wanted THAT particular thing?

You ever went to your partner’s house in basketball shorts or sweats purposely because you felt no need to get dressed up for what you had in mind (sex)?

NOW I will say that you can very much be in love and still do all of the above things. However, if you are doing ridiculous things for a person that won’t even give you a piece of gum in return, regular conversation, acknowledgment, or act in any other reciprocal way, then you may be sprung my friend!

4. Running Joke: Have you become the running joke of your friends? Do they say things like, “we better ask you to go out now, so that you can go and get permission?” Maybe you really do go get permission from your partner before going out. Maybe you cancel plans with friends at your partner’s beckoning calls – maybe you neglect friends altogether.

Do not read this wrong. It is beautiful when you and your partner can have a respectful relationship. It is okay to run things by your partner to make sure that they aware of your plans. It is not abnormal for “single” friends to make fun of you when you are “that friend in a relationship.” It is natural for you to have a little less time to go out for a night on the town when you are in a serious relationship.

However, if you are in a one-sided relationship, it is not okay. If you find yourself being the only one to “report” back to your partner in a relationship, then you may be a little too obsessed with maintaining their happiness. Love is a give and take. When you are sprung, you are blind-sided to this give and take. You give a lot of yourself to ensure the permission from another person – you want to keep them happy and neglect your own happiness over the good sex and security.

I could go on for days with this topic but I’ll end it here. Ask yourself, do you love that person because you need them? ...Or do you need that person because you love them? You’ll find your answer there. I’m just a blogger, though. What do I know? However, if you liked what you read today feel free to share or leave your comments!

- #SimplyMei